WHAT YOU SHOULD NEVER DO FOR ANY HUMAN BEING, UNDER WHATEVER CIRCUMSTANCES
A Candid Message to My Children and Other Faith-Conscious Nigerian Youth
By Bashir Adefaka
My dear children, and all young Nigerians who are conscious of their faith, their future and their responsibilities before Allah,
There is something I want you to understand very early in life, preferably before the circumstances of life put you in a position where learning it becomes painfully expensive.
Never allow yourself to become the instrument of another human being’s ambition, struggle, personal interest or unfinished battles, no matter how noble the reasons presented to you may sound.
Never lead a struggle for another human being at the expense of your own peace, future, safety, dignity and relationship with Allah. Never voluntarily place upon your shoulders a responsibility that belongs to another person, particularly when that person has neither the courage nor the willingness to carry it himself.
I am not asking you to become selfish, insensitive or indifferent to the suffering of humanity. Far from it. I am asking you to understand the difference between being compassionate and being manipulated, between serving humanity and sacrificing yourself for somebody else’s convenience, and between defending a worthy cause and becoming a disposable instrument in a battle whose real beneficiaries may never remember your sacrifices.
Do you ask me why?
Let me explain.
- Not every worthy cause is your personal responsibility.
As human beings, we are naturally disturbed by injustice, inequality, oppression, religious intolerance, corruption, abuse of power and the general failures of society. We see things that ought to be corrected. We encounter situations that make us angry. Sometimes, we become so emotionally disturbed by the suffering around us that we feel compelled to stand up, mobilise others and lead a struggle towards a better society.
There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting a better society.
Indeed, Islam encourages justice, compassion, the protection of the weak and speaking against wrongdoing.
However, there is a fundamental question you must ask yourself before accepting the burden of any struggle: Is this responsibility genuinely mine, or am I volunteering to carry what another person should ordinarily carry?
You must understand that not every problem you identify is a battle you must personally lead. Not every injustice you witness is an assignment that Allah has specifically placed upon your shoulders.
You can contribute to correcting society without destroying yourself in the process.
- Those who benefit from your struggle may not be the ones who suffer with you.
This is one of life’s bitterest lessons.
You may become emotionally committed to a cause because you believe you are defending humanity, religion, justice or the interests of ordinary people.
You may spend your resources, expose yourself to danger, lose valuable relationships, sacrifice professional opportunities and even jeopardise your future.
Yet, when the consequences arrive, those who encouraged you may suddenly become unavailable.
Those who celebrated your courage may distance themselves from your predicament. Those who benefited from your sacrifices may find convenient explanations for why you must face the consequences alone.
Some may even deny that they ever asked you to undertake the struggle.
That is why you must be careful.
Do not mistake people’s applause for commitment. Do not mistake their encouragement for a willingness to share your burdens. And never assume that because people agree with your position, they are prepared to suffer the consequences of defending it.
- Those who make life difficult for you may also determine how far you can go.
Consider a situation where you identify serious lapses in society which, if corrected, could reduce suffering and improve the lives of millions.
You become convinced that the problem persists because of general complacency. Consequently, you decide to take the initiative, organise people and lead a struggle, even though you have no genuine institutional, financial, political or moral mandate to carry its full responsibility.
You must understand something: the same people whose interests may be threatened by your initiative could become the people determining whether you survive the struggle.
They may not be prepared to correct the problem themselves. They may equally refuse to allow you to correct it.
Worse still, they may employ their influence to frustrate your efforts, discredit your intentions, isolate you, weaken your support base and ultimately disarm you.
In other words, they cannot do it, they will not allow you to do it, and they may still prevent you from doing anything about it.
Who, then, suffers?
You!
And while you are struggling to recover from the consequences, those whose interests you thought you were protecting may have moved on with their lives.
This is why wisdom must accompany courage. Courage without wisdom can become self-destruction.
- Never allow religion to become an instrument of your exploitation.
My dear children, this is particularly important for young Muslims and Christians in Nigeria.
Religion is sacred. Your relationship with Allah or your understanding of God’s commandments should never be reduced to an instrument for advancing another person’s ambition.
Do not allow anyone to manipulate your conscience by suggesting that your faith is insufficient unless you undertake a particular human struggle.
Do not allow anybody to convince you that questioning their intentions amounts to questioning Allah.
Do not allow religious sentiments to make you abandon common sense, personal safety and the responsibility you owe your family.
For Muslims, Allah has made the avenues for earning His pleasure, rewards and favours abundant.
You do not need to destroy your life to demonstrate your devotion to Him.
You can worship sincerely, help the needy, educate the ignorant, support the vulnerable, defend justice through lawful means, promote peaceful coexistence, care for your parents, raise responsible children and contribute meaningfully to society.
There are countless opportunities to earn Allah’s rewards without becoming a casualty of somebody else’s personal agenda.
Remember that Allah knows your intentions, your sacrifices and the circumstances surrounding your actions.
Do not allow any human being to position himself as the exclusive interpreter of what Allah requires from you.
- Your life is a trust, not a disposable commodity.
You must appreciate that your life does not belong exclusively to you.
Your parents have invested in you. Your family looks up to you. Your future children may depend on you. Your society needs your talents, knowledge and contributions.
You therefore have a responsibility to protect the life Allah has given you.
Before accepting any assignment that exposes you to danger, ask yourself whether the people demanding your sacrifice would make similar sacrifices for you.
Before joining a struggle, examine its leadership, objectives, methods, funding, accountability and likely consequences.
Ask questions. Demand clarity. Establish boundaries.
Do not surrender your independence simply because somebody is older, wealthier, more influential, politically connected or religiously celebrated.
Respect people, but do not surrender your judgment to them.
- Learn to say NO without feeling guilty.
One of the most important lessons you must learn in adulthood is that you are permitted to decline responsibilities that are not yours.
You are permitted to disagree with people you respect.
You are permitted to withdraw from situations that threaten your peace.
You are permitted to refuse to become involved in conflicts whose origins, objectives and consequences you do not fully understand.
You are permitted to choose a quiet, productive and meaningful life without being accused of cowardice.
There is a difference between cowardice and wisdom. There is a difference between abandoning justice and refusing to become somebody else’s sacrificial lamb.
Do not confuse the two.
If you cannot lead a struggle without compromising your safety, integrity and future, find another lawful and constructive way to contribute.
If you cannot correct a wrong through confrontation, consider education, dialogue, professional engagement, advocacy or other peaceful approaches.
There is no shortage of ways to make a positive difference.
- Make Allah your ultimate reference, not human approval.
Finally, my dear children and young Nigerians, remember that human beings are temporary, but Allah is eternal.
Those who celebrate you today may criticise you tomorrow. Those who promise to stand with you may disappear when the consequences become uncomfortable. Those who make you feel indispensable may replace you without hesitation when your usefulness ends.
But Allah never loses sight of your sincerity, your struggles or your sacrifices.
Do not build your life around the approval of human beings. Do not measure your worth by how much suffering you can endure for another person. Do not believe that the magnitude of your sacrifice automatically determines the righteousness of your cause.
A good intention does not make every decision wise. A noble objective does not justify every method. And an appeal to humanity or religion does not automatically make every human demand legitimate.
My dear children, I want you to live long enough to fulfil your own purpose. I want you to acquire knowledge, build meaningful careers, establish responsible families, contribute to national development and leave behind legacies that generations will celebrate.
I want you to be courageous enough to speak the truth, but wise enough to recognise when silence, patience, dialogue or strategic withdrawal is the better option.
I want you to help people, but never become a helpless victim of their ambitions.
I want you to defend your faith, but never allow anybody to exploit your devotion.
I want you to stand for justice, but never confuse personal destruction with the triumph of justice.
Above all, I want you to remember that you were created to serve Allah, not to become a slave to human expectations.
My final advice is this: Do not carry another person’s cross so carelessly that you abandon the responsibility of preserving the life, future and destiny Allah has entrusted to you.
Be humane. Be courageous. Be compassionate. Be religiously conscious. Be committed to a better Nigeria.
But be wise.
Let your life be useful, not expendable. Let your sacrifices be meaningful, not manipulated. Let your conscience be guided by faith and wisdom, not by emotional blackmail.
May Allah grant you the wisdom to recognise genuine responsibilities, the courage to fulfil them, the discernment to reject manipulation and the grace to live lives of purpose, peace and lasting benefit to humanity.
Ameen.
